REJOICING IN MOTHERHOOD: Embracing Imperfections

It's time to once again to celebrate motherhood's virtues. I can't help but think, "I wish I knew one woman who possessed them all!" In reply to this statement my friend smiled and said, "See Proverbs 31, it's the only place she exists." True enough, yet many hold this part of the Bible as the ultimate ideal.

The ideals of the virtuous woman described in Proverbs 31 ARE a worthy ambition. That's my ideal, too. We need ideals to work toward because the driving force of creation within us breeds a desire to seek for self improvement.

I believe our ideals must be tempered with patience. Each and every ideal is developed over time which requires us to cultivate a down to earth attitude about life's realities. So much is out of our control, however our responses are not. We can take charge and change learned responses that are not working for us into new responses that will work.

Why is this important in a discussion about Mother's Day? In my experience I have known far too many women who dislike (and dare I say even hate?) the holiday because in their minds they do not measure up to the standards they believe are the perfect or ideal mother. Another possibility, maybe their mothers didn't meet their high expectations causing them unresolved emotional pain.

Time for a Reality Check: Not one mother on this earth is perfect! To some, this is shocking news! How can this be? they might ask themselves at hearing what they consider to be such an absurd statement. I think if there were even one perfect mother to be found on the earth it would be top story newsworthy.

Worse, some harbor negative feelings about motherhood because they have convinced themselves they have failed as a mother and the proof, they believe, is their inability to raise perfect children. Wait a minute, if there are no perfect mothers how can there be perfect children?

News Flash! There are no perfect children. Who can find just one perfect child on this earth? I submit, no one.

Yet there are hundreds of thousands of good mothers on the earth, and even more good children. We just happen to live in a realm where mistakes are made every day. Mistakes that teach us and help us to grow, if we let them.

We see the goodness in others as readily and easily as we see the weaknesses in ourselves. It's like the beam and the mote Jesus taught about, only reversed. Other mothers goodness is a beam on our own eye while ours appears as a mote, their challenges are motes while ours are beams.

This kind of focus aggrandizes both our challenges and their goodness while at the same time this view belittles our genuine goodness and their legitimate challenges. The unrealistic affect is we magnify our own faults into insurmountable Goliaths which obscure our view of others foibles as if no more than minuscule mustard seeds.

These unrealistic contrasts are created in the mind, others problems appear as seen through the wrong end of a telescope, yet our own appear under the eye of intense scrutiny as viewed with the strongest telescopic lens.

Accepting the fact that neither we nor our own mothers were prefect makes graciously accepting the platitudes of Mother's Day much easier. As we overlook our imperfections, set aside mistakes and shortcomings, we are free to receive appreciation graciously. Even though we aren't perfect, it's still nice to be sincerely appreciated, on Mother's Day or any day!

The trick to feeling good about appreciation is in what runs through our minds as we hear appreciation. Compliments are usually given in a positive spirit, seeing true strengths and beyond imperfections. We can return the favor by thinking of many good deeds freely given, happy times shared, our eternal bonds of love, etc.

The same principle helps with honoring our own mothers, living or deceased. Graciously honor her by setting aside bad feelings or grief on Mother's Day and replace them with rejoicing in her great strengths, positive impact, influence for good, and happy memories. If she's gone, rejoice! for you will see and embrace her again.

This approach to Mother's Day will heal hearts and open doors to discovery. You are, and you have, a mother whose love is deep and sincere ... if not perfect!

P.S. Sorry this was published after Mother's Day was all over. I've been thinking and rethinking, writing and rewriting, to hopefully say what I wanted as clear and respectfully as possible.