Patience and the Good Life

Waiting can be hard. Or, waiting can be easy. What makes the difference?

Waiting becomes hard when unanticipated circumstances are giant boulders that 'get in the way' blocking present wants and hindering immediate gratification. Waiting becomes easy when unforeseen events are stepping stones that 'mark the way' leading to adventure and pointing out opportunity. Attitude accounts for a large part of the difference.

Which brings to mind the saying, "perception is everything". Perception is event filtered through thought which generates response. From this perspective waiting can be the perfect opportunity to practice and deepen impatience or practice and develop patience.

Take grocery shopping for example.

First, parking. Unless shopping is done early in the morning or late at night invariably the only parking left is farthest from the front door. When a close parking space is available someone comes from out of nowhere and nabs it.

What to do?
Focus on the distance and complain about the hike ahead?
or consider good health and relish the chance for some extra exercise?
Concentrate on injustice and chew out the parking space napper?
or ask a prayer of blessing on the distracted driver unaware of intrusion?

Second, shopping. At the deli, bakery, or meat counter its usually crowded with three or four shoppers already in line or worse, there's NO ONE around and ringing the service bell doesn't bring help.

What now?
Focus on wasted time, sigh deeply and complain rudely so everyone hears?
or strike up a friendly conversation with someone else waiting in line?
Ring the bell louder, yell for help, complain to the manager?
or pick up nearby items, watch for help to return, finish shopping and come back later?

Third, check out. When in a hurry and only two or three lines are open during a rush it seems the short line always takes the longest. Inevitably price checks, clerk exchanges, credit card denials, manager approvals, or cash register tape replacements happen in the short line. Out smarting the system in a longer line only results in the short line moving smoothly while the longer line is stalled by a lost wallet or a toddler in a tantrum.

What's next?

Think about incompetence and make snide comments about the checker, the store manager, or the customer?
or empathize recalling times things didn't go right and pass the time offering a helping hand, or perusing an interesting magazine?

Last, leaving. Sometimes so many loose carts surround a car while the cart return, six stalls away on the next row, stands empty. Unloading the grocery cart necessitates removing the metal huddle holding the car hostage.

How to handle?
Concentrate on the rudeness of other shoppers and roughly push the cart out of the way in between or up against others cars while cursing?
or consider how much easier it would be for everyone to load groceries if the carts were neatly lined in the cart return?

Let's put ourselves in this last one and say we chose patience ...

After placing six neatly lined carts in the return we notice the car parked next to us left, but a minivan pulled in. A young mother gets out of the drivers seat, goes around her van between the two cars, and starts unloading her children. Coming closer we see the owner of the Suburban on the other side of our car pushed our cart forward to get his side door open. He is unloading his own cart blocking ours in. We have no access to our cart or car.

Now we realize the young mother is struggling to put toddler twins in a stroller while her two other children are playing behind the minivan. Staying in mom's line of sight we compliment her children and keep them entertained while she buckles in the twins. With a smile and a thank you she gathers the two children to help her push the stroller as they head safely and happily into the store.

Turning back toward the Suburban we notice gratefully the man is done unloading his cart. He catches our eye and apologizes for being in the way while placing our cart where we left it, then takes his own to the cart return. By the time he's back our car is unlocked, the back door open and we are loading our groceries. He cheerfully hands us things from our cart then offers to return ours.

As we drive away we think how kind this stranger was and hope we remembered to thank him. Reviewing the last hour and a half we decide the Suburban stranger is our reward for handling, once again, our familiar grocery store routine with finesse, cheerfulness and patience.

Waiting -- a life reality. Hindrance or opportunity? You decide.

Grandmoms on Circle of Moms

REJOICING IN MOTHERHOOD: Embracing Imperfections

It's time to once again to celebrate motherhood's virtues. I can't help but think, "I wish I knew one woman who possessed them all!" In reply to this statement my friend smiled and said, "See Proverbs 31, it's the only place she exists." True enough, yet many hold this part of the Bible as the ultimate ideal.

The ideals of the virtuous woman described in Proverbs 31 ARE a worthy ambition. That's my ideal, too. We need ideals to work toward because the driving force of creation within us breeds a desire to seek for self improvement.

I believe our ideals must be tempered with patience. Each and every ideal is developed over time which requires us to cultivate a down to earth attitude about life's realities. So much is out of our control, however our responses are not. We can take charge and change learned responses that are not working for us into new responses that will work.

Why is this important in a discussion about Mother's Day? In my experience I have known far too many women who dislike (and dare I say even hate?) the holiday because in their minds they do not measure up to the standards they believe are the perfect or ideal mother. Another possibility, maybe their mothers didn't meet their high expectations causing them unresolved emotional pain.

Time for a Reality Check: Not one mother on this earth is perfect! To some, this is shocking news! How can this be? they might ask themselves at hearing what they consider to be such an absurd statement. I think if there were even one perfect mother to be found on the earth it would be top story newsworthy.

Worse, some harbor negative feelings about motherhood because they have convinced themselves they have failed as a mother and the proof, they believe, is their inability to raise perfect children. Wait a minute, if there are no perfect mothers how can there be perfect children?

News Flash! There are no perfect children. Who can find just one perfect child on this earth? I submit, no one.

Yet there are hundreds of thousands of good mothers on the earth, and even more good children. We just happen to live in a realm where mistakes are made every day. Mistakes that teach us and help us to grow, if we let them.

We see the goodness in others as readily and easily as we see the weaknesses in ourselves. It's like the beam and the mote Jesus taught about, only reversed. Other mothers goodness is a beam on our own eye while ours appears as a mote, their challenges are motes while ours are beams.

This kind of focus aggrandizes both our challenges and their goodness while at the same time this view belittles our genuine goodness and their legitimate challenges. The unrealistic affect is we magnify our own faults into insurmountable Goliaths which obscure our view of others foibles as if no more than minuscule mustard seeds.

These unrealistic contrasts are created in the mind, others problems appear as seen through the wrong end of a telescope, yet our own appear under the eye of intense scrutiny as viewed with the strongest telescopic lens.

Accepting the fact that neither we nor our own mothers were prefect makes graciously accepting the platitudes of Mother's Day much easier. As we overlook our imperfections, set aside mistakes and shortcomings, we are free to receive appreciation graciously. Even though we aren't perfect, it's still nice to be sincerely appreciated, on Mother's Day or any day!

The trick to feeling good about appreciation is in what runs through our minds as we hear appreciation. Compliments are usually given in a positive spirit, seeing true strengths and beyond imperfections. We can return the favor by thinking of many good deeds freely given, happy times shared, our eternal bonds of love, etc.

The same principle helps with honoring our own mothers, living or deceased. Graciously honor her by setting aside bad feelings or grief on Mother's Day and replace them with rejoicing in her great strengths, positive impact, influence for good, and happy memories. If she's gone, rejoice! for you will see and embrace her again.

This approach to Mother's Day will heal hearts and open doors to discovery. You are, and you have, a mother whose love is deep and sincere ... if not perfect!

P.S. Sorry this was published after Mother's Day was all over. I've been thinking and rethinking, writing and rewriting, to hopefully say what I wanted as clear and respectfully as possible.